The Equation
I wake up with a heavy weight still in my chest, but it’s accompanied with the warmth of Jake beside me.
His hand is splayed on my stomach and his lips pepper light kisses down my neck. Such a soft and gentle way to wake up compared to the storm brewing inside me.
He’s a comfort I never knew I needed.
I can’t imagine not having this, not having him to turn to. The way he makes me feel safe, understood, and, if I’m honest, wanted. But it’s more than that. I can’t stop replaying the way he looked at me last night, the quiet plea in his voice when he asked me to stay.
How happy, although conflicted, it made me feel to hear those words from him.
I sit up carefully, and he stops kissing me, his fingers holding onto me like I would disappear. “Where are you going?”
I chuckle through my nostrils and run my hand through his hair. “I have to go, Jake. I
can’t be in here.”
He thinks about it for a second before reluctantly letting me go.
“Thank you for last night,” I whisper.
“Are you going to think about what I said?”
I look down at the sheets. “I won’t be with you in secret, behind his back.”
Jake looks away from me for a second. “Then we’ll tell him.”
My heart jolts in my chest. “No. Not now.”
He turns to me, eye dark and serious. “But we will? Eventually?”
“I have to think about it.”
He frowns at me, as if for the first time, thinking that I might not want him. Of course I
know that’s not true.
1/4
The Equation
I can’t imagine not kissing Jake, not holding him, not wanting him. But his suggestion that we be together in secret is out of the question.
How could I do that to Aiden? I can’t. I won’t. But can I break up with him? I can’t
imagine him wanting to share me.
My heart clenches at the thought. And then there’s Zaid.
Zaid, with the way he kissed me, like he was pouring every ounce of emotion into me, igniting something in me that I didn’t even know was there. The way he made me feel alive had me questioning everything about what I was doing with Aiden and what I really
wanted.
I make my way to my room and change really quickly. I head to the bathroom where I get
ready for the day and numbly walk to the living room.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Aiden’s voice. “Alina?”
I startle, looking toward the hallway. Aiden is standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets. “Do you want to grab some coffee? I think we need to talk.”
My heart stumbles in my chest. I nod, brushing my hair back nervously as I follow him
out.
The coffee shop is small and cozy. Aiden orders for us and we find a quiet loveseat tucked
into the corner.
I sip my latte; the warmth doing little to settle the chill of nerves running through me. Aiden’s hands rest on his knees, fidgeting slightly. He looks at me, his amber eyes
searching mine.
“I talked to Zaid,” he says finally.
I know that, but still, the words land like a stone in my chest. My heart hammers, the muffled voices around us fading into static. I lean forward instinctively, hanging on his
every word despite the overwhelming urge to run.
Aiden’s hand drops to my knee, squeezing it affectionately. He exhales deeply, his jaw tightening before he continues. “We agreed to try to be better brothers.”
2/4
The Equation
Relief washes over me, and I smile, cupping his face with one hand. My thumb brushes his cheek, the familiar gesture grounding me. “That’s great.”
But Aiden doesn’t return the smile. He looks conflicted, his lips parting slightly as if to speak, then closing again.
His apprehension has my anxiety skyrocketing. “What’s wrong?”
He clears his throat. “Do you like Zaid?”
My breath catches, my stomach twisting. This is it. The moment to be honest. I can’t lie
to him.
It would be a betrayal for both of them, and I couldn’t do that.
I nod, barely, but it’s enough.
Aiden flinches, his hand retreating from my knee as his expression tightens with hurt. He leans back, putting space between us, but I quickly set my coffee down and reach for him,
cupping his face again.
“Don’t pull away,” I whisper.
He exhales shakily, his hands trembling as they come to rest on mine. He swallows, his voice thick. “Zaid told me he has feelings for you.”
My heart swells, emotions rushing through me in a flood I can’t contain. A smile breaks across my face, wide and uncontrollable.
He has feelings for me?
Aiden notices. He sees the joy, the warmth I can’t hide, and he shifts uncomfortably. “Do
you want to be with him?”
I nod again, my heart racing as the truth spills from me.
Aiden’s jaw tightens, his breathing shallow. I can tell he wants to pull away, but I don’t let him. I keep him in place with my hands on his cheeks.
“I want to be with you, too, Aiden.”
3/4
The Equation
His eyes study me, and he frowns slightly. “What?”
I chew on my lip, not sure how to have this conversation. “I like you, too. I want to be
with you, too.”
“What does that mean?” he asks, his voice quieter now, almost broken.
I close my eyes for a moment, feeling the weight of his question. But I don’t have the words to explain. Not yet.
I shrug and pull away to take a sip of my coffee. “I don’t think I know exactly, yet.”
His eyes wander the expanse of my chest. “You want to be with the both of us?”
He sounds like he doesn’t believe me, and what am I supposed to do when I tell him I want to add his father to that equation?
