Breathe
It takes me a good hour to calm down, to stop the sobbing and to dry my face.
There’s no hiding the fact that I was crying, though, and the fact that I’ll have to explain that to Jake and Aiden makes my stomach turn.
We head back downstairs, Zaid’s hand in mine and my coffee in his other hand.
Jake does a double take from where he’s making breakfast, his eyes turning angry. “What’d
he do?”
Zaid shakes his head with a scoff.
I make my way to Jake and plant a kiss on his cheek. “Nothing, I promise.”
He looks unsure and when I turn to meet Aiden’s eyes as he chops fruit; I find him frowning between Zaid and I.
He doesn’t ask me anything, so the four of us make breakfast together silently. Zaid
makes new coffee and serves me a fresh, warm mug.
Over breakfast, Jake’s sharp gaze lingers on me longer than usual, and Aiden nudges my
shoulder as we wash the dishes together.
“What’s up with you?” Aiden asks, his voice light. “You’ve been quiet. You were crying.”
I force a small smile. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”
He nods, but there’s a hesitancy to whether he believes me or not.
Jake leans against the counter, arms crossed, eyes scanning me like he’s trying to figure out what I’m not saying. “Maybe you need a break from us. You’ve been spending the night, with one of us every night.”
“Yeah, for like two weeks,” Aiden adds.
I hum in agreement. It’s because they keep the thoughts away, the nightmares and the tears away.
“You’re probably exhausted,” Jake whispers, running his hand down my arm.
1/4
Breathe
Zaid, though, he doesn’t say anything. He just watches me with those dark, unreadable
eyes.
The hours pass and we go grocery shopping in the afternoon. The four of us pile into Jake’s car, and I let myself get caught up in the normalcy of it all.
The bickering over which brand of pasta sauce to get, Aiden throwing random snacks into the cart, Jake scolding him like he’s a child, and Zaid staying quiet but never straying too
far from me.
I feel the warmth of his hand brush against mine more than once, feel the way his fingers graze my lower back when we stop to grab something from the shelves. Every time I look at him, his gaze is already on me, and when I catch it, he just leans in slightly, whispering kisses across my cheeks.
He doesn’t push. Doesn’t ask. Just reminds me he’s there.
I don’t know how to thank him for that.
By the time dinner rolls around, the mood is lighter. The four of us cook together, and for a little while, everything feels normal again. The tension inside me eases, if only for a
little while.
I almost forget.
After dinner, I make cookies, and Aiden turns on the music while we wait for them to bake. He grabs my hand, spinning me around in the kitchen, making me laugh as he moves dramatically to the beat.
He shoves his hips against mine, and I’m laughing so much my stomach hurts.
Jake sits at the table, watching with an amused smile.
Zaid, however, remains quiet. His expression unreadable, his focus entirely on me.
Even as I twirl in Aiden’s arms, I feel Zaid’s gaze on me. He hasn’t pushed, hasn’t brought up our conversation from earlier, but he hasn’t let me out of his sight either. It should
make me feel suffocated, but it doesn’t. It makes me feel safe.
It makes me feel seen.
2/4
Breathe
As I’m wiping down the countertop, Jake steps behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “You know we have people that do that.”
I chuckle. “Clean?”
He nods against my shoulder.
I shrug. “I don’t mind. It helps me clear my head.”
He grabs the rag from my hand and tosses it in the sink. He spins me in his arms, making me face him. “I can help you clear your mind.”
He kisses me deeply. His tongue explores my mouth as he holds me close. When we pull
apart, I’m panting. My eyes drift over his shoulder where Zaid and Aiden are walking in.
I smile softly, placing my hands on Jake’s shoulders. “I think I’ll sleep alone in my room
tonight.”
Aiden crinkles his nose, but since I was with him last night, it doesn’t bother him much. “Fine. But I’m going out with Parker tonight.”
“Don’t be out too late,” Jake says. He lets me go, letting Aiden kiss me goodbye.
As Aiden walks away, Jake takes me back in his arms. He tucks my hair behind my ears and kisses me softly. Gentle. “Goodnight, baby.”
I give him a peck and then it’s just Zaid and I.
He hesitates. His lips press together, his jaw tensing like he’s physically stopping himself
from saying something. I see the conflict in his eyes, the urge to ask me if I’m really okay, to push just a little, to remind me that he knows I’m not fine.
Instead, he leans in, kissing my forehead. “Goodnight.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Goodnight.”
I go to my room, climb into bed, and stare at the ceiling. The room feels too big. Too quiet. Too cold.
I turn onto my side. Then my other side. I toss and turn, my stomach twisting. My chest aches, the weight of everything pressing down on me. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to
3/4
4:08 pm
Breathe
will away the memories, the guilt, the endless loop of it’s my fault that keeps playing in my head.
Every time I close my eyes, I feel like I’m suffocating.
I can’t do this.
Before I even think it through, I throw off the blankets and slip out of my room. My feet move on their own, my body already knowing where I need to be.
Zaid’s door is closed, but I don’t hesitate. I open it quietly and step inside.
He’s awake. Sitting up against the headboard, his phone in his hand, but the second he sees me, he puts it down.
Neither of us says a word.
I don’t have to ask. He doesn’t have to offer.
I walk to his bed, and he lifts the blanket for me without hesitation. I climb in beside him, pressing my face against his chest as his arms wrap around me.
I finally breathe.
