Letting Go of the Noise
The shower doesn’t help.
I stay under the hot spray until my fingers wrinkle, until the smell of chili and french fries is long gone. My skin is pink from the hot water, but my nerves are still on fire. My heart hasn’t stopped hammering in my chest, regardless of how much I try to calm my
breathing.
The shame won’t rinse off. The cruel words still echo loud in my ears.
Whore. Slut. Desperate.
I tug on a clean set of pajamas and twist my wet hair into a towel. I’m so tired, but I know
I won’t be able to sleep like this. Not with my chest feeling like it’s full of shattered glass. Not with my stomach still turning.
Might as well get my stupid ice cream.
I make my way down the hallway quietly, heading to the kitchen. The house is mostly dark, but Zaid has turned on the warm under cabinet lights, casting a soft golden glow across the counters.
Zaid’s sitting at the island, hunched over his sandwich. He hasn’t taken a bite, he’s sort of just staring at it.
His eyes lift when I walk in, and I don’t miss the way they flick down my body in a slow, heated, lingering gaze. It’s just a second too long.
I feel it like a spark against my skin. But then he blinks, clears his throat, and pushes back his stool, standing up. I’m left with my stomach tightening and my breath shallow.
He walks over to the fridge, opening the freezer and reaches into it. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
He pulls out the dented pint of ice cream and grabs a spoon without needing to ask me.
I sit on a stool with a sigh, resting my elbows on the counter. “Sadie happened.”
He pauses. His jaw ticks.
1/4
Letting Go of the Noise
“Of course she did,” he mutters, opening the cabinet for a bowl. “She’s a bitch.”
The hatred in his voice makes me bristle, sending my skin into a mess of goosebumps.
He exhales, leans his head back against the cabinet like the weight of everything suddenly hits him. “I’m sorry, you know? For everything. For taking her to the rehearsal dinner. That was shitty.”
I blink at him. He’s apologized for it before, but never so bluntly.
It’s kind, it is, but it’s not what I want. Not what I need.
“I don’t care about Sadie,” I say softly.
He swallows hard, but doesn’t say anything right away. Just gives me the bowl and sits down beside me, eating his sandwich.
I watch him for a minute. His strong profile, the tired way his shoulders slope. The little raven inked just behind his ear that I know by heart. The one I used to kiss.
My stomach twists. I want him. More than ice cream. More than late night comfort. More than just friends.
I clear my throat, trying to push the ache away.
“Couldn’t sleep?” I ask, my voice quieter now.
He stops chewing. His eyes flick to mine, and they’re darker than before. Sadder.
“I haven’t really slept at all since, umm,” he says, then pauses.
He doesn’t finish the sentence.
He doesn’t have to.
I know exactly what he means.
And it hurts.
We sit in silence, and when he finishes his sandwich, he still doesn’t get up. I finish the last spoonful of ice cream slowly, letting my spoon fall down with a clank.
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Letting Go of the Noise
I quietly slide off the stool and walk to the sink, rinsing my bowl. The entire time I can feel Zaid’s eyes on me, watching.
My body lights up. My heart hammers. They don’t listen to the logic my brain is trying so hard to communicate.
I turn to him, but can’t find the courage to life my eyes to his.
“Thank you,” I whisper, before slipping out of the kitchen.
My footsteps are light on the stairs, the house hushed and still. I reach my room and slip inside, the door clicking shut behind me.
Jake’s still lying there, turned toward my side of the bed, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. I peel back the covers and slide in beside him, careful not to jostle him too much.
I reach for his arm, gently pulling it back around my waist, needing the weight of it, the warmth of him. Just the touch of him.
But as soon as his arm drapes around me, he stirs.
“Alina?” he mumbles, voice groggy and thick with sleep.
“Shhh,” I whisper, stroking his forearm. “Go back to sleep.”
But he doesn’t.
Instead, he shifts closer, his chest pressing into my back. “Have you slept at all?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“You can’t sleep?” He murmurs against the shell of my ear.
I sigh. “No, my brain is doing too much thinking.”
He breathes slowly, then a kiss, soft, pressed just beneath my jaw.
His voice drops low, sending goosebumps across my skin. “I can help with that.”
1 suck in a breath as he shifts, his hand sliding down my waist, guiding me onto my back.
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Letting Go of the Noise
His body fits between my legs, his mouth trailing over my neck with soft kisses. I moan when he presses his tongue to my skin.
He’s hard and I feel it, hot and thick on my thigh.
My head is spinning, thoughts threatening to surface,Zaid’s eyes, Sadie’s words, the ache in my heart, but I force them all back.
I let myself forget.
Forget the shame. Forget the guilt. Forget the ache that’s been following me like a
shadow.
Right now, it’s just Jake.
Just his hands on my skin, his mouth claiming mine, his body keeping me in the present. I
can forget about everything else.
I can let go. I can float.
For a little while, I let the world fall away.
