Chapter 241
Zaid and I are standing side by side at the terminal, watching the people flow in and out of the gate like waves.
I’m trying not to fidget, but I bounce on the balls of my feet, anyway. I focus just a tad bit too much on my breathing, making sure I don’t look like I’m about to cry. I look at Zaid. He’s doing nothing out of the ordinary.
He’s calm, like always. Quiet. Looking through the people. He looks so relaxed too, and it occurs to me that he’s really happy to see his brother.
He wasn’t just sugar coating it for me. That helps the nerves settle in my stomach.
I thought it would be worse. I was up all night last night thinking I would feel like my stomach weight thirty pounds. That I would feel dread. That my skin would feel too tight and I’d have a thousand thoughts running through my head.
I mean, I’m going to break up with him. I’m supposed to create space between us, let him go gently. It was a clear decision. Clean. A plan I could hold on to.
So why does my chest feel light when I see him?
He’s so tall that he stands out from the crown immediately. He smiles at us from over
people’s heads and I wave at him like I haven’t seen him in ages.
He has a backpack slung over his shoulder, an easy casualness to him.
And then I’m moving.
Feet first, like they don’t belong to me. Then arms. Then everything.
He opens his arms and pulls me into him like he’s done a thousand times. He lifts me off the ground and spins me around. I smile to myself, that familiar feeling of elation rushing through me.
I forget about guilt for a second. I forget about confusion. When he sets me down on my feet, his lips are on mine before I can stop him.
My body reacts before my mind does, melting into him. My arms loop around his neck. It
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all comes rushing back.
The fact that his touch was the first friendly touch I had in Arizona. When I felt alone, when everything hurt, he was the first person who didn’t make it worse.
When I pull back, breathless, it’s only because I remember Zaid is here, too.
I turn, and Zaid is approaching us. He has a soft smile on his face, hands tucked into his
pockets. There’s no anger. No tension. No jealousy. It makes me breathe just a bit better.
Aiden’s arm slides casually around my waist as his other arm reaches for Zaid.
“It’s good to see you, man.”
Zaid pats his back. “Good to see you, too.”
I smile so wide as I watch them genuinely look happy.
Aiden looks down at me again and kisses my temple.
“Missed you,” he murmurs.
“I missed you too.” I don’t know what I mean when I say it. Maybe I’m lying. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m both.
We walk away from the gate and Zaid looks over his shoulder at Aiden, who still has his arm around my waist. “You hungry?”
“Fuck, yeah. I’m starving.”
We head to the car, and everything falls into an easy routine, just as if we were back in
Arizona. I’m in the passenger seat, Aiden stretching his legs in the back, teasing Zaid for driving too fast.
By the time we slide into a booth at the diner, round and red and curved like it belongs in the ‘90s, I’ve stopped trying to dissect my feelings.
I just want to enjoy the moment while we live it.
Zaid’s thigh is pressed against mine, his arm stretched across the back of the booth, his fingers barely brushing my shoulder. Aiden’s hand rests on my leg under the table.
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I sit between them, and somehow everything feels normal. Like no decision ever needed to be made. Like this is just life.
We order pancakes and eggs and coffee. I sip mine too fast and burn my tongue. Zaid makes a face and swaps his mug with mine without a word.
I wonder for a moment if I made all of this drama up. If I just imagined the distance. The discomfort. If I’m so scared of something ending that I keep trying to break it before it breaks on its own.
I need to talk to Cami, or Elena, or both. Because what is wrong with me? Why do my emotions have no anchor? Why does every new hour feel like it resets the entire board? Do I not trust myself?
It’s Aiden’s voice that brings me out of my thoughts. “So, I have news.”
Zaid and I both look at him.
“I got a full ride to UCLA,” he says, beaming. “I accepted it.”
I blink. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “It’s official.”
I smile, even as something inside me wilts. “That’s amazing.”
“It is,” he says, and I can tell he means it.
“That’s pretty awesome, Aiden,” Zaid says, pressing his thigh harder against mine. “I
guess me going to juvie was worth something.”
Aiden grimaces.
“It’s a joke, Aiden. I think we can do that now,” Zaid says casually.
Aiden scratches the back of his neck and nods. “I couldn’t have done all of this without
you.”
Zaid shakes his head. “Don’t mention it. This is good.”
I grab Aiden’s hand from my thigh and intertwine our fingers, the smile still plastered to
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my face, even as I feel it start to crack. “I’m so happy for you. But you’ll be so far from
here.”
“I know,” he frowns, looking down at our hands. “But that’s not all of it.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“I have to go early for the summer. Training and all of that.”
I twist my body to get a better look at him. “Really? How early?”
“In two weeks. I can only stay for a week.” He swallows thickly and my heart drops.
“A week?” I repeat, barely above a whisper.
He sighs, brushing his thumb along my thigh. “Yeah. I know. I hate it too.”
Zaid’s hand starts rubbing my upper arm. I nod again, my chest hurting.
Aiden keeps talking, launching into his plans, talking to Zaid about roommates and classes and gear.
And I sit there between them, trying to figure out how I will know what to do in a week’s
time.
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