Chapter 244
The room feels so small with all three of us in it. My stomach turns violently, and yet I know this conversation is needed more than anything.
I tuck my knees under my chin and look between the two of them.
Zaid’s across from me in the armchair, elbows on his knees, fingers loosely interlocked. Aiden’s on the loveseat, one leg bouncing with nerves. His towel is replaced by clean clothes and his hair is still wet from his shower.
Neither of them are looking up, entranced by whatever is on the floor.
I want to say something, anything, but every sentence I think of dies in my throat.
I open my mouth, but Aiden beats me to it. “I should probably start.”
My eyes meet his. His voice is even, calm in a way that has me questioning if he’s practiced this.
He blows out a steady stream of air. “I just want you to know where my head is at because I can’t take the look of guilt on your face.”
My eyes shift to Zaid for a moment, seeking comfort. He forces a soft smile for me and I take it in, returning my attention to Aiden.
“I’ve been dying to come visit,” he says. “To see you. To be with you again.”
My throat tightens.
“But then the full ride offer came through. And the summer training camp. And I started rethinking what this relationship was going to look like. If I even wanted to be in a long distance relationship.”
My chest tightens.
He looks at me directly then. “Do you want to be in a long distance relationship?”
I blink. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I thought it would only be temporary. For these past couple of months.”
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He frowns at that, like he’s expecting more.
I sigh. “And it depends on who.”
His eyes flick.to Zaid.
Zaid doesn’t look up. His head is down, hands clasped tighter now. A quiet frown draws a line between his brows.
Aiden sighs and leans back. “When dad got back to Arizona, he was pissed. Loud about it, too.”
I wince.
Zaid shifts from his armchair and sits beside me, then gently slides his hand over mine. I tighten my fingers against his.
“When I tried to talk to him about it, he got defensive,” Aiden goes on, his eyes on our interlocked hands. “He told me not to come up here. That you were just going to break up with me but wouldn’t have the balls to do it yourself.”
I flinch, pulling my arm around myself instinctively and leaning into Zaid’s side. He doesn’t say anything, just gives my hand a small squeeze.
“I told him to stop talking about it,” Aiden says. “Told him he was being ridiculous. You have every right to end a relationship you’re in whenever you want.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my head spinning.
Aiden shakes his head. “Don’t be. I mean it.”
His gaze drops, focused on a speck on the floor. “By the time Jake was telling me all of this, I was already questioning where things were going with us. And then even more after you called to tell me about the trip to Florence.”
I can feel Zaid’s body react to that reminder. He’s tense, hotter somehow.
Aiden looks up again, his expression a little sad. “I don’t want a long distance relationship.”
Relief hits me so fast and so hard it makes me dizzy. I blink at him, trying to disguise it,
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but he sees it anyway.
He smiles, and it’s so honest, not hidden behind malice or anger. His beautiful eyes shift to Zaid for a moment and return to me. “And not to mention, you don’t look at me the way you look at him.”
I suck in a breath. I’ve been trying so hard not to look at Zaid any type of way when Aiden’s in the room. I thought I was subtle, but that’s clearly not true.
I keep my eyes on Aiden, trying to find any hint of anger in his expression. I find none. “I love you,” I whisper.
Aiden’s smile doesn’t fade. “I love you, too. But maybe our love is meant to be platonic.”
I stand up and walk to him, sinking into the seat beside him as I wrap my arms around his middle. He exhales, holding me tight.
“You were the first person who made me feel like normal was possible,” I say against his chest. “Like I didn’t have to live with that cloud over me all the time. Like their death didn’t define me.”
He hums softly, resting his chin on the top of my head. “That’s because you’ve always been more than what happened to you.”
My eyes sting.
We sit like that for a little while, just holding on. As much as we both know this is needed, it’s still painful. It’s still sad.
Zaid stands quietly. “I’m going to give you guys some privacy, thank you for letting me be here for that.”
I feel Aiden nod, and I just watch Zaid as he walks away from us and heads into the kitchen. When I hear him move between the fridge and the cabinets, I realize just how hungry I am.
“I’m sorry this didn’t work out,” I say, staring at the window.
Aiden shakes his head. “I’m not. I mean, it’s sad, but I’m happy it happened. And I’m happy I’m losing you to my brother.”
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I chuckle at that.
“He deserves someone good like you.”
I wince at that. My mind spins as I think of all the ways Zaid deserves so much more than what I’ve given him.
“I’m going to miss you,” I murmur.
His arms tighten around me. “I’m going to miss you so much, too. But this is home base for me now. I’ll come for Thanksgving, Christmas and New Years. I’ll still be around.”
A new sense of calm overwhelms me with that. I smile and we stay like that until Zaid walks back in to tell us he’s about to start grilling.
