Needing You Turned Into an Obsession
I don’t remember running up the stairs. My feet move on their own, slamming against the
hardwood.
I was suffocating down there. I was struggling to stand.
Zaid’s words still ring in my ears. The faces of the detectives as they looked at Jake when my mother told them what he was doing. The judgment in their eyes they couldn’t quite
hide.
The rage in my mother’s voice was nothing new, but her disgust at Jake was scarring.
Jake, who married my mother for me.
My chest caves in around my heart, everything tightening until I can’t breathe. I stumble into my room, fisting the doorknob, ready to shut out the world and scream into my pillow until I pass out from the blinding headache.
But the door doesn’t close. I hear a string of words, and then a foot slams into the crack,
stopping it from shutting.
“Don’t,” I whisper, backing away just as the door creaks open again. I expect it to be Zaid,
but he is the last person I want to see right now.
The last person I want to see me in my shame. But it’s not him.
Jake steps in, his face filled with regret. His eyes drink me in, like he’s trying to assess the
damage.
“Shit, baby,” he breathes, his shoulders dropping, his voice raw. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t hesitate. I crash into him, my body colliding with his like it’s muscle memory. I bury my face into his chest and sob, ugly, shaking, breath stealing sobs.
I don’t care what Zaid said. I don’t care that it’s wrong or twisted or that the world might never understand. I ignored the red flags because being him felt good; losing myself to him in the car that first time made me feel something.
I wanted it.
1/4
Needing You Turned Into an Obsession
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, my fingers curling into his shirt. “I didn’t mean for it to get this far. I didn’t mean for the cops to show up. This is all my fault.”
Jake’s arms wrap around me instantly, pulling me into him like he’s trying to shield me from all of it. He kisses the top of my head, lingering there like it hurts to pull away.
“No,” he says firmly. “You have nothing to apologize for. This is on me. I should’ve stayed away. I should’ve, fuck, Alina. I should’ve known better.”
I shake my head, jerking back just enough to look up at him, my grip still tight on his shirt.
“Don’t say that. I don’t regret this. I don’t regret you. Not us,” I shake my head.
His jaw clenches hard, his eyes flickering with something soft and sad. “The best thing I can do for you is take a step back.”
My heart stutters. Just a little. It doesn’t skip entirely. The thought of losing him isn’t as painful as losing Zaid. Jake can’t break me any more than Zaid can.
“I don’t want you to. Please.”
His brows pinch, like he’s struggling, like he wants to believe me but doesn’t know how to forgive himself for this, like he doesn’t know how we can move on. Then, like he can’t help himself, he leans in, brushing his lips against mine.
The kiss is soft, too soft, like goodbye is buried somewhere in it.
His lips leave mine, and the room feels colder for it.
I’m still catching my breath, my fingers tangled in the fabric of his shirt, my pulse roaring in my ears.
I want to kiss him again.
I want to drown in the feeling of him, of us, but something shifts in his eyes. The kiss stole something from him, or maybe it gave him the courage to finally speak.
Jake takes a step back, his thumb brushing along the edge of my jaw. And then he exhales, like he’s been holding it in for years.
2/4
Needing You Turned Into an Obsession
“I know I’m in the wrong,” he says quietly.
I blink, my stomach twisting.
He doesn’t stop.
“I’m in my forties,” he says with a crooked, bitter smile, “and you’re eighteen. You’re just starting your life, Alina. You should be worried about college or falling in love for the first time. Not this. Not me.”
I should interrupt him. Tell him he is who I want. But my voice gets caught somewhere between my heart and my throat.
“When I met you, it was like a breath of fresh air. Like I could breathe again after years of feeling like everything was just gray. You reminded me that my life wasn’t over. That there was still something out there that could make me feel young again.”
My skin prickles, goosebumps everywhere. My arms. My legs. Even the back of my neck.
Jake notices, his eyes flicking there, like it only confirms what he’s already feeling. But he doesn’t touch me. He’s holding himself back.
“I shouldn’t have let it grow,” he murmurs. “Wanting you became needing you. And needing you turned into an obsession. I watched myself lose control, and I didn’t stop. I should have stopped.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes. I don’t know if they’re mine or his or both of ours.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking ever since Diana came back into town. Trying to pull this apart, trying to figure out where I crossed the line. But the truth is, I crossed it the moment I met you.”
I take a breath, but it doesn’t go down all the way.
“I know I’m wrong,” Jake says again. “I know this is messed up. I know I shouldn’t want you like this. That I shouldn’t have let it happen. That I shouldn’t have married your
fucking mother to get close to you.‘
“”
My voice trembles when I speak. “How wrong can it be if it feels this good?”
He freezes.
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Needing You Turned Into an Obsession
I step closer, because I can’t stay away, because I don’t want to. “I know this isn’t normal. I know people would be taken about if they found out. But I have feelings for you. Real ones. I think I’ve had them for a long time.”
His jaw tightens, eyes searching mine like he’s looking for something that’ll convince him this isn’t a dream.
I whisper, “I don’t want to stop this either.”
He groans low in his throat, dragging a hand down his face like he’s trying to physically resist me. “You’re going to be the death of me, baby.”
He pulls me in again, pressing his forehead to mine. His hands shake slightly as they wrap around my waist, and his lips brush against mine once more, gentle.
“I came in here with the resolve to end this, and you have me changing my mind.”
I ignore that, not wanting to bring the conversation back around. “Will you stay with me?”
Jake nods, brushing his thumb across my cheek.
I don’t answer. I just take his hand and pull him to my bed. He lies beside me without question, his arm sliding around my waist.
He falls asleep before I do.
I don’t fall asleep at all.
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