Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance
Not Fixed
Zaid and I stay in the living room longer than we probably should, sitting in the quiet of everything that’s happened. The house feels heavier now and part of me feels like I’ve ruined everything.
His arm is draped along the back of the couch behind me, his thigh brushing mine. My heart races as I focus on that small touch. It might seem so insignificant, but it’s like food
to a starving man.
We sit in silence, neither of us saying anything, but I don’t complain. The silence is needed and his presence is enough.
Eventually, I sit up straighter, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I’m gonna head up to bed.”
Zaid shifts beside me. “Are you gonna be okay?”
I nod, offering a faint smile. “I’ll deal with it.”
It’s the only honest answer I have. I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, my lips brushing his skin for just a second too long.
“Thank you for sitting here with me.”
His eyes trace the side of my face. “I feel like we need a do over for our birthday.”
That makes me smile for real. “I wouldn’t be opposed to that.”
I try to get up, but his fingers curl gently around my wrist, stopping me.
He takes a breath like he’s about to say something difficult. “I’m here for you, love.”
My heart stutters. I meet his eyes, and all I see there is sincerity. There’s no expectation, just him.
I nod, placing my hand lightly over his before managing to slip away. “I know.”
I head upstairs, into the quiet of my room. The door clicks shut behind me, and I half expect the weight of it all to crash over me, but it doesn’t,
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I crawl into bed, and I sigh. The sheets are cool against my skin.
I wait for the tears, but they never come. I’m not heartbroken. I’m not even angry. Just
sad.
Jake’s reaction replays in my mind. The way he yelled. The way his voice cracked. The look in his eyes when he walked out.
I didn’t know he could be that angry.
And even though I understand why, the guilt in me settles like a stone in my stomach.
Eventually, sleep finds me. It’s restless and shallow and full of blurry dreams I can’t hold
on to. I wake up tired. The sky is still gray blue and my body moves before my mind
catches up.
I’m out of bed, down the hall, then down the stairs. The house is still and quiet.
I sit at the kitchen island with my journal, flipping past pages already inked with my
rands and my feelings of chaos and hope. I click my pen and start writing, unloading
every thought onto the page.
I recount everything about Jake, about Elena, about Zaid. About the way I don’t quite
recognize myself sometimes, but I think maybe that’s okay.
When I finish, I stretch, close the journal, and head toward the coffee machine. The smell of fresh grounds calms me before the first drip even hits the carafe.
My phone buzzes on the counter, and I glance down.
Aiden.
A smile breaks across my face, and I answer. “Hey!”
“Happy birthday, baby,” he says, a little breathless. “Sorry I didn’t call yesterday. Practice ran late, and then we had a special training session for those of us looking to impress colleges, Coach made us do this team dinner thing and…‘
“>
I laugh softly, “Aiden, it’s okay. Your voice message was enough.”
We talk for a while. I tell him about Elena and my therapy, like I always do. He listens,
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like he always does. Then I breathe in, readying myself.
“Jake and I broke up.”
There’s a pause. I can practically hear the way he tenses. Then he sighs. “I knew he went to see you. But I didn’t know that’s how things were gonna go.”
“Me either,” I admit. “It just happened. It didn’t feel right anymore.”
“You okay?”
I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yeah. Zaid’s been supportive.”
“That’s good.” His voice softens. “You deserve that. I love you, okay? And it’s only like a month and a half until I’m there, okay? After graduation, I’m there.”
My chest aches in a warm way. “I can’t wait to see you.”
We say goodbye and I hang up just as Zaid walks into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his
eyes.
He makes a beeline for the coffeepot. “Morning.”
“Morning.” I smile at him, taking in the expanse of his chest.
“You’re up early.” He pours us each a cup, then adds a little milk and honey into mine and hands it to me.
“I couldn’t sleep.” I take a sip and sigh happily.
“Who were you talking to?” he asks, sipping his own.
“Aiden,” I reply.
His lips twitch into a soft smile. “How’s he doing with basketball and everything?”
“Sounds like he’s doing really well. He said he’ll be here after graduation.”
“Good,” Zaid says, and there’s something warm in his voice.
His gaze drifts to the kitchen island, and I watch as his eyes land on my journal. He picks
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it up slowly, flipping through the pages with gentle fingers.
I expect to feel protective and defensive. But I don’t.
Everything in there is something I’d tell him if he asked. There’s nothing I want to hide.
He glances up at me. “You’ve really been using this.”
I nod. “It’s been helping. A lot.”
He smiles at that, and there’s pride in it. “Can I drive you to your therapist today? I was gonna run some errands anyway, thought we’d make the trip together.”
I sip my coffee, then smile. “That sounds good.”
We spend the next few minutes making breakfast together. Eggs, toast, turkey sausage. The kitchen fills with the comfort of familiarity.
I can’t stop looking at him, thankful that he is treating me like everything is normal.
Not fixed.
Not whole.
But normal.
