Chapter 242
The sun is high and shining at its brightest by the time we get back home. There are long shadows cast before us, the lake behind the house reflecting all the light.
Aiden’s mouth drops open when Zaid pulls up the driveway. He gets out of the car and scoffs in surprise as he takes in the trees and the house. I smile to myself, knowing exactly how he feels looking at it for the first time.
We all step inside the house and Aiden looks around, grinning like a kid.
“This place is insane,” he says, dragging his suitcase through the entryway. “How did you guys even find this?”
I smile, cheeks warm, because I can feel Zaid watching me from across the room. “Zaid found it.”
Aiden whistles low, still in awe. I give him a tour before I lead him upstairs.
“You can drop your stuff here for now. It’s my room.” I say, stepping aside as he wheels
his suitcase in. He sets it down and then walks to my window to look out.
I’m about to walk to stand beside him when I feel Zaid’s hand slip around my wrist, tugging me gently toward the hall.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Aiden, and he nods, distracted by the lake view out the window.
Zaid pulls me into the art room, and the door clicks shut behind us.
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me, jaw tight, breath shallow. Then suddenly, his lips crash into mine, and I gasp as he presses me against the wall, his body hot, his hands framing my jaw.
I melt into it, my fingers digging into his back, my hips grinding into his. It’s fast and full of something desperate. When he finally pulls away, his lips are swollen and his chest heaving.
“What was that for?” I whisper, dazed,
He rests his forehead against mine. “Just needed it,” he says quietly. “I’ve got a few things
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to get done. Thought I’d give you two some privacy to catch up.”
I blink. “You’re leaving?”
He nods, stepping back, smoothing my hair with a soft touch. “Just for a bit.”
I nod too, even though part of me wants to reach for him again. He walks away first and I whisper to myself, adjusting my clothes as I slip back to my room.
Aiden’s still standing at the window, watching the ripples on the water. He turns when I enter. “It’s warm enough to swim, right?”
“I haven’t tried.”
“Then let’s find out.”
Before I can react, he throws me over his shoulder with a laugh, and I shriek, pounding at
his back as he barrels down the stairs and out onto the deck.
“Aiden, wait, I’m not wearing –!”
But he’s already running. Then we’re flying through the air.
The lake hits like a shock, cold and clear, and I come up sputtering and laughing all at
once, hair slicked back and clothes clinging to me.
“You’re insane!” I yell, splashing water at him, trying to kick him under the water.
He’s laughing, swimming toward me. “C’mon. You love it.”
He catches me, arms strong around my waist. I loop mine around his shoulders, breathless from the adrenaline. He tugs at my soaked shirt, lifting it over my head before helping me
with my jeans.
The water is cool against my skin. I watch as he undresses and shake my head. “You ruined my clothes.”
“We were going to take them off at one point,” he grins.
I roll my eyes, but smile.
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When he throws our clothes on the deck, he’s back to wrapping an arm around my waist. His hands slide down my back and he kisses me again.
It’s warm and familiar.
But something’s missing.
My eyes stay closed longer than they should. Maybe if I don’t look at him, I can pretend I don’t feel the difference. That this doesn’t feel like a memory trying to repeat itself rather
than something new.
He pulls back, helping me wrap my legs around his waist. “So, tell me more about this fellowship with your aunt.”
“Well, it’s my aunt’s fellowship. I’m just freeloading.”
That gets a chuckle out of him.
I smile and tell him the basics. He listens, nodding, listening as he looks around.
“You have to go,” he says after a beat. “It’s like me not taking the UCLA offer. You have
to.”
My heart thuds. It would be like that, wouldn’t it? I would tell Aiden he’s insane for not
taking it if he showed any signs of doubt. I wouldn’t ever let him choose me over an
opportunity like that.
So, why would I let myself choose Zaid?
His lips find mine again, and I kiss him back. He’s hard between his legs and his cock brushes against my thighs, making me tense.
He moves his lips down my jaw. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
I nod, letting my body take his touch, take his kisses. I close my eyes, trying to lose myself in his touch.
He fucks me there as he stands on the shallow end. I come, my climax hitting me out of nowhere. But it all feels underwhelming. It’s not a fire. Not an ache.
Not Zaid.
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When he throws our clothes on the deck, he’s back to wrapping an arm around my waist. His hands slide down my back and he kisses me again.
It’s warm and familiar.
But something’s missing.
My eyes stay closed longer than they should. Maybe if I don’t look at him, I can pretend I don’t feel the difference. That this doesn’t feel like a memory trying to repeat itself rather than something new.
He pulls back, helping me wrap my legs around his waist. “So, tell me more about this fellowship with your aunt.”
“Well, it’s my aunt’s fellowship. I’m just freeloading.”
That gets a chuckle out of him.
I smile and tell him the basics. He listens, nodding, listening as he looks around.
“You have to go,” he says after a beat. “It’s like me not taking the UCLA offer. You have to.”
My heart thuds. It would be like that, wouldn’t it? I would tell Aiden he’s insane for not taking it if he showed any signs of doubt. I wouldn’t ever let him choose me over an opportunity like that.
So, why would I let myself choose Zaid?
His lips find mine again, and I kiss him back. He’s hard between his legs and his cock brushes against my thighs, making me tense.
He moves his lips down my jaw. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
I nod, letting my body take his touch, take his kisses. I close my eyes, trying to lose myself in his touch.
He fucks me there as he stands on the shallow end. I come, my climax hitting me out of nowhere. But it all feels underwhelming. It’s not a fire. Not an ache.
Not Zaid.
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I kiss him again, and we get out of the water, sitting on the porch swing wrapped in towels. Aiden is unnervingly quiet, and I feel too distraught to say anything.
He finally looks at me after a moment, and he studies my profile. It’s long enough that I
turn to him, wondering why he hasn’t said anything.
His brow creases. “Did that feel different to you?“.
My chest aches and my nostrils flare. The last thing I want to do is lie. “Yes.”
He turns back to look at the water, his jaw clenching. We don’t say anything else until the door to the house opens and Zaid joins us. He looks at us with a surprised expression, no doubt wondering why we’re sitting outside naked.
Aiden looks at Zaid and just gets up and leaves.
I want to crumple, fall into the ground and disappear.
“What happened?” Zaid whispers, wrapping his arms around me as I fall into his chest.
Chapter 243
The wind carries the scent of pine and lake water toward us, the breeze cool.
I don’t turn to look at Zaid, just feel his body against mine. The towel still clings to my damp skin and I am incredibly uncomfortable. Still, I don’t want to move away from his
touch.
Zaid’s chin rests lightly on my shoulder. His breath is warm against my skin. It seems he’s had enough of the silence and his quiet voice breaks it.
“Do you not want to talk about it?”
I close my eyes, my body soft in his arms, but my heart heavy. “I never told you this, but I didn’t know how to feel about Aiden coming.”
He pulls back slightly. Just enough so I feel the space open between us. His hand lingers on my waist, but his eyes study me intensely. “What do you mean? I thought you wanted
him here.”
I nod. “I thought I did, too, but then when we talked at dinner that one time, I questioned my feelings.”
He says nothing, giving me the chance to keep talking.
I turn toward him, letting the towel fall down my shoulders a little. “I ended up calling Cami yesterday, and I decided that I was… I was going to break up with him.”
Zaid blinks. I see the flicker of surprise in his eyes. Again, he doesn’t say anything, just
waits.
I take a breath. “And then I saw him at the airport, and he kissed me, and for a second, I remembered how he made me feel safe when I first moved to Arizona. He was the first real comfort I had. He gave me something stable when everything else felt like
quicksand.”
Zaid’s brows pull together. His thumb brushes along my cheekbone gently, like he’s soothing something beneath my skin.
“I don’t know what to feel.”
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He sighs, moving his hand down to my neck. “I can’t tell you what to feel, love. But it sounds like your confusing platonic and romantic feelings.”
“I know,” I breathe. “That’s the problem. I can’t always tell the difference. I know they’re not the same; but sometimes my brain doesn’t know. I’m having a hard time separating them when it comes to Aiden.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, and then he leans in, pressing his forehead to mine.
“It sounds like you don’t trust your own feelings,” he whispers.
My lip trembles. I hate that he’s right.
“I don’t,” I admit, and the tears break free. They fall hot and fast, and I don’t try to stop them.
His hands come up to cradle my face, thumbs brushing away the tears like he’s done that for me my entire life. “You need to get to know yourself better, Alina. You’re smart, and strong, but if you don’t understand your own heart, how are you supposed to protect it? I can only protect you so much.”
There’s no judgement in his eyes or his voice. I let the words settle, and I know he’s right.
He pulls me close again, my cheek resting against his chest, the steady thump of his heartbeat calming my nerves.
After a long pause, he asks quietly, “Is that why Aiden was upset? Did you end things?”
I shake my head, lips pressed together. “No. Not really. We were in the lake, and it was fun. We kissed and that lead to other things, but… it was different. We both felt it. It wasn’t like it used to be. It wasn’t us. Not anymore.”
Zaid exhales slowly. He says nothing, just holds me tighter.
“I think that upset him,” I whisper. “That we both knew it was different.”
His hand strokes up and down my back, until my breathing evens out again.
“You okay?” he asks quietly.
I nod, even though I’m not sure. “I think I will be.”
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His chin rests against the top of my head.
My eyes sting again, but I don’t cry again. I don’t want to.
We sit like that for a little while, and then he shifts. “You wanna go inside?”
I nod. “Yeah. I need to shower.”
We walk back inside the house, our bare feet whispering over the floorboards. My towel is still knotted at my chest, clinging to my skin. Zaid opens the door for me, and I step into the cool air of the living room.
Aiden is standing there like he was trying to decide what to do.
He’s still only in his towel around his waist, looking sad.
He looks up when he hears us, eyes locking onto mine. His jaw tightens, and he pulls in a shaky breath.
“I didn’t mean to just walk away,” he says. “I was trying to process everything.”
I cross the room before I can think better of it, my footsteps light against the hardwood. I wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his chest. “It’s okay.”
He exhales into my hair, his hand landing on my shoulder with a soft thud, warm and hesitant. “I don’t know what to feel right now.”
I pull back just enough to look up at him. “Then let’s shower. Let’s get dressed. And then we can figure it out. We can talk.”
He nods.
We part silently, heading in different directions. Zaid gives me a nod, a soft smile spreading across his lips, but he doesn’t follow.
I shower quickly, water rushing over my skin, washing off lake water, trying to map out what I want to say and how I hope this conversation will go.
I dress in a T–shirt and cotton shorts, something comfy and easy. My hair is damp, braided back.
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When I come back into the living room, Aiden is already there, dressed and dry, arms crossed, gaze fixed on the floor like it might have all the answers he needs.
Zaid’s sitting in the armchair, looking like he doesn’t know if he should breathe while we’re all here.
When I walk in, they notice me and Zaid stands. “I’ll go upstairs. Give you guys some space.”
Before he can move, Aiden looks up. “Stay.”
Zaid pauses. Blinks at his brother.
Aiden nods once. “You should probably be part of the conversation.”
The air changes, it tightens around my lungs. But I don’t run from it. Zaid looks at me and I smile at him. I want him here.
I sit down in the middle of the couch, and Zaid and Aiden sit, too.
