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Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance
Chapter 253
I scroll through the photos on my phone slowly. I can’t help the feelings that ignite in my stomach just by looking at a picture of
him.
I brush my thumb over his lips, thinking about kissing him. Thinking about his breath across my skin.
I keep scrolling, photo after photo blinks up at me. Me and Zaid smiling in front of the lake, him asleep on the couch after one of our movie nights.
He was extremely supportive of me taking as many pictures as I wanted during that last week he had together. He joked that it would make him more secure with the fact that I wouldn’t forget him
As if I could ever forget him.
I have a lot of closeups of just him, too. His dark hair a mess, his sleepy smile soft and real. I trace his face with my fingertip and feel the ache settle low in my chest.
The video call ringtone chimes, and I swipe to answer it just as my stomach flutters with nerves. Cami’s face appears on the screen, her new electric blue hair wild around her face.
I can’t help but smile. “I love the new look.”
She grins and flips a piece of it over her shoulder. “Thanks, babe. I’ve been wanting blue hair since I was like ten, thought it was
time for me to try it out.”
“Well, it looks really good,” I smile.
She looks me over. “I appreciate the compliment, but you look good, too. So much more
peaceful.”
The words catch me off guard in the best way. I press my hand lightly against my chest and nod, my smile stretching wider.
“I feel it,” I tell her.
“Really?” She tilts her head, taking a sip of her iced coffee.
“Yes. The food, the weather, just the whole atmosphere here. It’s beautiful enough to where I can appreciate where I am even when I’m missing home so much it feels like I can’t breathe. I’m definitely learning a lot.”
Cami’s grin softens into something proud. “That’s the dream.”
I chew on my lip, not knowing how I want this conversation to go. I’ve been in Italy one hundred days now. I’ve read one hundred of Zaid’s letters, each one leaving me more raw and more vulnerable than I ever thought possible.
She settles back, the video shaking slightly as she adjusts, then says “How’s the painting been going?”
I light up immediately, that is something I can talk about. “It’s been hard,” I admit, tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. “There are days where I just stare at the canvas and think, what the hell am I even doing?”
Cami laughs a little. “We’ve all been there.”
“But I’m proud. The pieces I’ve finished, I’m proud of them. I can’t wait to finish the full collection.”
“That’s amazing, Alina. Seriously. Want to tell me about it?”
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Chapter 253
I shake my head. “I want to finish it. I want it to be a surprise. I’ll show them to you when I get back home.”
“I can agree to that.” She smiled, but then her voice drops a little, the way it always does when she’s about to switch into her serious therapist mode. “And how’ve you been doing with the thoughts about the accident?*
I go still for a moment, twisting my fingers together in my lap. I breathe in slowly, trying to follow the rhythm I’ve been practicing. Grounding my breath.
Releasing the thoughts of guilt like a leaf floating down a river.
“The guilt is still there sometimes,” I say honestly. “That little voice that tells me it’s my fault. That they would still be here if I had just done something differently. Hadn’t distracted my dad.”
Cami nods like she expected that and then speaks gently. “It probably always will be, but that doesn’t mean it has to control you.”
“I know,” I whisper. I pull in another slow breath, just like we practiced.
She watches me, mimicking my breathing, so I know
not
alone.
“I’ve been learning how to reframe those thoughts. When it comes up, I acknowledge it, name it, guilt, sadness, regret, and then I remind myself: thoughts are not facts. I don’t have to believe every thought that crosses my mind.”
Cami beams at me, so proud. “And?”
“And,” I continue. “I think dad and Alex would rather look down at me and see me living. Really living. Not stuck. Not punishing myself over something that could have happened to anyone.”
She doesn’t rush me, just gives me the space to think and speak, to sit in it for a second. “That’s good, Alina. Really good. All we can do is control how we react to those thoughts. They are not always as world–ending as we believe them to be.”
I nod, realizing how many times I have thought just that.
After a minute, her grin turns a little mischievous. “And how’s a certain someone doing?”
I laugh, and just like that, my throat tightens with sudden tears. “I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. Sometimes I dream about just getting on a plane and flying straight into his arms again. I’m scared he might not miss me as much as I miss him.”
Çami snorts. “Girl. From the letters you’ve told me about, that man is absolutely wrecked without you.”
I laugh through my tears, wiping my cheeks quickly. “I know he loves me. And I’m having so much fun here too. I feel so free. And I think honoring him means not feeling guilty about that. About loving my life even when I’m away from him.”
Cami pumps her fist in the air. “Exactly! That’s it, right there. That’s healing.”
We chat a little longer, about everything and nothing, until the call ends and we regroup. I sit there for a the warmth of it all still buzzing in my chest.
second afterward, feeling
And then I tuck my phone into my bag, grab my sketchbook, and slip out of the villa into the sun washed street.
The cobblestones are warm under my sandals, the air rich with the scent of coffee and sweet pastries. I stop at a tiny cafe and order something sugary and ridiculous.
I sit at a table outside, my sketchbook open in my lap, and just watch.
People pass by, laughing, talking, living.
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I pull my pencil out and start to draw, letting the moment fill me up every line a
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