Chapter 256
Alina, my love,
I can’t believe you’re already more than halfway through your trip. In counting down the days until I get to see you again. Not that
I’m desperate or anything.
I’m fucking desperate. I already know I am.
Wanna make a bet? I’ll count how many times I had to jerk myself off while you were gone, and you can guess.
Hint: It’ll be a lot more than 365.
You remember that dance we had at the wedding, right? Our first kiss? Before you say anything… No, I am not counting that drunken, angry, messy one I stole at Parker’s party. That one doesn’t count. Actually, I’m officially declaring it erased from the record.
I’m sorry for that, by the way. I was in a terrible place back then. You were driving me insane, love. I’m not kidding, I had to take cold showers three or four times a day just to get you out of my head. And even that barely worked.
You were so beautiful that day at the wedding. Maybe beautiful isn’t enough to cover it. You were sexy, like haunting my fucking mind sexy.
One look at you and I swear something inside me snapped. I completely lost it.
My control was already hanging by a thread, but then we kissed. I thought I was going to die. I swear.
I had to spend the entire time in that terrible boarding school trying to forget about you. I made no friends because I was raging the whole time. Everyone probably called me the boner boy, since the simple thought of you made me hard.
Sometimes I wonder if Aiden and my dad plotted to send me off to that damn boarding school. Maybe they saw it happening, too. Me, falling for you.
I mean, after I beat up that piece of shit, Will?
Dad was probably just like, “Yep. Kid’s doomed. Ship him off.” And Aiden probably didn’t fight it. He knew before I did that I would be obsessed with you.
Maybe everyone knew. I knew. You were it for me, even then.
You were the only one who didn’t see it yet.
Maybe if I hadn’t been such an ass to you, maybe if I had handled it differently.
Would you ever forgive me for all the ways I screwed it up? Maybe we can just, I don’t know, start from that kiss at the wedding?
Pretend everything else was just noise.
I can make it up to you, all of it. Every single second you ever doubted how much I loved you. I’ll spend my whole life making it up
to you if you let me.
I can’t wait to see you.
miss you like crazy, even though, technically, you haven’t left yet. And more than that, I’m proud of you, love. Proud that you’re chasing your dreams, proud that you’re doing things you never gave yourself the freedom to do before this.
1/3
Chapter 256
Come home to me soon, okay
Always yours, Zaid
I set the letter down carefully, smoothing the worn edges with my fingers. Fuck, I loved these letters, I breathe for them. Some of them are so creased from me re–reading them a million times.
Especially the ones where he describes making love to me in vivid detail. Those are extra creased from how much I reread them. That man has a way with words and a very vivid imagination.
Those come in handy at night when I miss him a little too much. When wetness pools between my legs and I can’t sleep.
I chew on my lip. Yupp, I’m definitely doing that tonight. I wonder if I can beat Zaid’s masturbation count. I snort at myself. Yeah, right.
I smile to myself, feeling a soft warmth bloom in my chest.
He’s apologized for a lot in a lot of these letters. Every time I read them, I don’t have the feeling in me to say I forgive you. The forgiveness isn’t needed. I hold no anger, no grudges, no judgement.
I wouldn’t change anything about how we met, or how we became friends, and then lovers. Not the messy beginning, not the drunken kiss, not pulling and the pushing. Not the pain and the rejection.
It’s what makes us us. It’s why we understand each other in ways no one else ever could.
I tuck the letter carefully into the small box I’ve been keeping in my room. It’s full of his letters and I plan on taking it back home with me, keeping them forever.
I grab my bag and head to the door to Elena’s room. I knock and wait.
“Ready?” Elena calls as she opens the door, already looking sharp and in full work mode.
“Yes!” I say, walking with her.
Noah is already waiting for us outside, on his phone. He hangs it up as we approach, kissing Elena and wrapping me in a hug.
He’s here visiting for the next three months, which makes everything feel a little more like home. I love Noah, he’s Elena’s compliment and they fit together so perfectly.
Elena hands me a portfolio once we’re settled in the car. “I just finished this last night. Was thinking we could present it to the director tomorrow.”
I look through it, running my fingers over some of the paintings, reading the descriptions and paying attention to every detail.
Noah drives us to the offices, his hand always on Elena’s lap. The gesture is sweet, but it makes me ache. It makes me miss my half.
We say goodbye to Noah as he heads off to do his own thing, and the two of us step into the gallery
s, ready to get to work.
For the next few hours, my mind is focused. The pain in my heart recedes just a bit and I do what I think I want to do for the rest of my life. I’ve been taking things a lot more seriously, and have applied for colleges back home.
This trip might be life changing and I might be so glad to be here, but all I know is that I never plan on being away from Zaid for this long ever again.
