Chapter 29
A knock on the door awoke her, and she was disappointed because she was sleeping in that day. Ignoring it, she tried to go back to sleep, when there was another knock on the door. Pandora groaned, not wanting to get up, and pulled the covers over her head.
Whoever it was that was messing with her special naptime was pissing her off. Her cell phone beeped, so she picked it up and looked at the text.
[Get out of bed and down here, I have a gift for you. You’re making me late for lunch with the in–laws. -Milton]
She chuckled and got up before throwing on a sweater and she walked down the stairs.
“Hi, Pandora said as she pulled the door open.
“Walter asked me to drop this off.” He handed Pandora a box and she looked inside to see there was some mace and a new taser.
“Why am I going to need a taser?” she asked and Milton just shrugged.
“That’s not the best gift,” he said and Pandora groaned, knowing this was not going to be good, not with the grin on Milton’s face. “Follow me,” he said as he walked back to his car. He opened his car door, and right away she could hear a hissing noise; before she could ask him about it, he was talking.
I teach gun handling and shooting. Milton has booked you in for some classes. What day are you free?”
“He’s what?” Pandora said through gritted teeth. “I am not going to be able to handle a gun!” she carried on as Milton just looked her way. “And what the hell is that hissing noise anyway?”
“That’s Jane,” he responded and she looked past him and into the car.
She felt her mouth drop open and her hand just pointed inside his car. “Milton, there’s a blow–up, sex doll in your car! Why is there a sex doll in your car?” she asked him as she watched it inflating.
“That’s my sister–in–law, we call her Jane. Jane, this is Pandora.”
“Hi…” She slapped her forehead as soon as it hit me that she just said hello to a blow–up doll. “Milton?” she said in a tone that said ‘what the hell‘.
“What? Come on, this is priceless and funny on top of that.”
“Jane?” she spluttered, needing to what he was doing.
“My brother–in–law happens to like Janes.”
“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain why you have a blow–up doll?” Before she could think the situation could get any weirder, Milton began to speak again.
“I got it for him and named it Jane because I can’t call her Jane Doe, right? That just makes her sound like a victim of crime. My sister–in–law might be a mystery but she deserves all the respect in the world.” Milton looked so proud of his reasoning.
Pandora snorted but quickly gasped, covering her mouth. “You’re going to prank him and this is his missing wife?” she asked and Milton grinned, showing all of his white teeth as he nodded. “You’re sick,” she commented with a chuckle. “I frigging wish I could be there, but you’re still wicked!”
“It’s going to be so good and frigging?”
“I’m trying to stop swearing.”
Milton nodded in understanding. So, does next week work for you?”
Pandora shook her head quickly. “No, let’s leave it until after I’ve had the babies; I don’t need to add to my stress!”
Milton sighed dramatically and slid into his car ‘Fine! Say goodbye to Jane.”
Pandora giggled once again. “Later, Milton. Bye, Jane.”
[WARNING: CRUDE CONTENT UP AHEAD.]
DERRIK’S POV:
1/2
I sat in my car, fuming. That fucking prick that arrested me had been sleeping with my whore of an ex–wife. I couldn’t believe she was able to get a guy off. She was a dead fish in bed, so I wondered how she managed to get a guy to cum in her and get her pregnant.
I shook my head; this guy really didn’t know what he was in for with her. I hit my steering wheel. I figured he would be gone by now. I loved messing with him the day he called the house phone. When I answered, he thought Pandora Preston may have been a woman he met in Vegas and he really wanted to see her.
He sounded so heartbroken when I told him how Pandora Preston was my grandmother and she was almost ninety, but as a widow, she might be interested in meeting him, if he’d like. After he had sputtered an apology a few times, he declined and hung up. Now I saw he was back, and this was not how it was meant to be.
Divorcing her should have wrecked her. She wasn’t supposed to be able to move on. Why did she get to be happy? She was supposed to be miserable without me! She was a shitty wife and I hated every minute of my so–called marriage to her. She was as worthless as the day was long. Sure she could cook, made a great housewife, and brought in enough money so I didn’t need to work.
Working for a living–now there was a joke. I wasn’t made to hold a menial nine–to–five job. I wasn’t made to work at all, not unless it gives me more than a lousy paycheck. It’s not like I couldn’t get a job, but why should I work hard? Why should I get my hands dirty when females could support me? When I was with that stupid bitch, her wages were good enough for me to sit at home, play video games, or play some football with my friends?
My wife, or ex–wife I should say, did have a great body on her. It was a shame though that her face and body never really went together. She was only okay looking, but most of our downfall was in the bedroom. Her sex drive and mine weren’t on the same page, not even in the same building.
