Chapter 192
I tried to snatch my hand back. What does it look like?
“You’re engaged? The disbelief in his tone was almost satisfying.
“Yes, and keeping me here isn’t really helping me in any way. I finally managed to free my hand, tucking it beneath the blanket at if I could hide the evidence of my new life.
“I guess I deserve this,” he said after a long silence. His shoulders stumped slightly, a rare display of vulnerability from the Alpha King, “I should be happy you’ve moved on, but I can’t be happy for you.”
The barely hidden pain in his expression got to me, I couldn’t help the tears that sprang to my eyes.
“I never wanted this,” I said, the words escaping before I could stop them. “I loved you, and you knew that, but you used that against me; you broke me. Do you know how long I spent crying over you, waiting and hoping you showed up, but you never fucking did; you moved on and left me there,”
The dam had broken. Months of pain and anger poured out in a torrent I couldn’t control.
“I hated myself; I hated you for bringing out this version of myself, and yet, as much as I hated you, I still waited. Day after day, I hoped you would change your mind, but you never came, and I had to move on.”
wiped at my tears angrily, hating that he could still make me cry.
“You think this was easy for me? I had no one; I was in a foreign land, and I had to stare at my mother each day, knowing she was right about you and you were no good for me. Then, I made a choice: I wasn’t going to waste away; I wasn’t going to let you do the same thing with me your father did to my mother, and so I tried, but you never stopped haunting me; you were there in my dreams; you were always there.”
Kaius ran a hand through his hair, his expression pained. “I fucked up really bad. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“The right thing for me, or for you?” I demanded. “It has always been about you and your many problems, you were the one with the problems, not me, and yet you made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, you made me question my self–worth. I was so desperate for you, gods, I was willing to bring myself so low, just to be with you. Not anymore.”
“I was too dangerous; my actions hurt you and I knew that, but you were never going to be safe with me, and that became clear after the attack.” His voice was low, intense with conviction.
“Excuses. That’s all you gave me. I believed in what we had, and I was wrong.” I turned my face away, unable to bear the sight of
him any longer.
“No, you weren’t.” He moved to the edge of the cot, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. “You thought I moved on? I couldn’t get you off my mind for even a fucking second. I was miserable, and yet I couldn’t go to you until I was sure I had full control, until I was sure I would never hurt you again. I was not planning on letting you go, I was going to come find you because it took only a single day to realize I could not leave without you.”
Each word he spoke stripped away another layer of my composure, leaving me feeling utterly exposed and vulnerable. I wanted to believe him. Gods, how I wanted to. But I’d been down this road before, had my heart broken once already.
“I am not some spineless wolf, you just never did see it,” I said, my voice steadier than I felt.
“No you aren’t, you never were. I had been a fool to think keeping you away was the solution.” The regret in his voice was palpable.
So what would you do? Make amends?” I asked, finally turning to face him again.
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Chapter 192
I made a terrible decision, but I wouldn’t cower away now, I would try to fix things. The determination in his eyes was familiar– the same look led had when fighting for his throne, when battling the elders.
I shook my head slowly. “You have to understand that you cannot fix everything, some things are just too broken to be fixed, I would get married and I would be happy.”
Kaius’s eyes dropped to my hand, to the ring that glinted in the dim light. You don’t love him, I can tell.”
“Well, I do not love you either,” I lied, the words bitter on my tongue
The silence that followed was heavy with all we’d said and all we’d left unspoken. I lay back on the cot, suddenly exhausted by the emotional storm that had raged between us.
“Get some rest,” Kaius said finally, rising to his feet. “The healer will come in the morning. If you’re uncomfortable here, I can move you to another room.”
“I don’t need your fucking pity,” I spat, my voice sharp with sudden fury.
“Elowen-
“What happens after the healer comes?” I cut him off, leaning forward despite the pain that shot through my wounded body. “Am I healed just so you can execute me properly? Or maybe torture me for information first?”
He paused at the cell door before leaving, his profile outlined against the torchlight. “No. I don’t know, Elowen. I honestly don’t know.”
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