Chapter 40: Loneliness
Rita doesn’t leave Alex’s side,
Maybe I should actually feel good about that, knowing he has someone to support him when he’s clearly feeling off. He likely needs someone there directly there to help him through whatever’s happening,
Still, I can’t deny that it’s painful, watching him go from class to class with her by his side. The students all gawk at his presence, with teachers sometimes talking with him in the class, sometimes moving out to the hall. I hide around corners and in doorways, waiting for the moment he’ll finally be alone so I can try talking with him again.
But by the time we get to the hockey rink, he’s not been alone even once,
He hasn’t cracked a single other expression aside from cold indifference or mild irritation since he looked at me in the faculty area.
The first class of the day is going to start soon, but I already know I’m going to be late. 1 just want to talk to him at least one more time today. Just once more.
When he enters the arena, anyone who sees him immediately goes still. Usually they’d try to approach him, and some do, but they back off based on his overall appearance and the look in his eyes,
Lenard’s one of the guys about to leave the area to get to his first class, but he
“Ah, Alex?” he asks, “Is that ah
He and Alex are friends. They look out for each other and mesh well during games
That’s why it’s startling to see him pass right by Lenard the same way he passest me without saying anything. Rita follows just a stop behind, glancing toward him brietty as she doesn’t miss a step.
They beeline for the coach’s office, just like they’d gone to see the other teachers.
Ja
With all their eyes on Alex, I don’t know if they pay attention to me as I follow them. I see Len take out his phone and open it, but he just turns away and heads out without trying to talk with Alex again. I wish I found doing something like that just as easy.
Instead, just like with the principal’s office, I find myself standing against the wall so my ear doesn’t press against the door. This time, it’s much easier to hear what’s happening since the door is slightly cracked open.
“Jesus Christ, Hewlett…”
There’s the sound of patting, probably the coach giving him a hug
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Excuse me,” Rita’s voice cuts in.
“And you are?”
“Rita Lockwood. I’m close with Alex.”
My heart clenches as my whole chest feels like it constricts. But I keep listening. It’s not like she said she’s his girlfriend, so she could be a family friend or something, I dunno.
I hear rustling, and the coach hums.
“I see…” he mRETTIES.
“Per an agreement with the principal, he’ll be returning to school until the end of the youn
“But he’s missed a whole month. His grades were a B average before, but climbing back up to something passable now… It’ll be difficult.”
“He’ll be completing extra work to make up for the missed time. Regardless, we’ve decided to check in with you regarding what he’d need to do to keep playing hockey.”
2/6
+25 Bonus
“Don’t worry about that.”
Alex’s voice cuts in, everyone focusing on him.
“I’m not playing hockey anymore. I won’t do it again.”
Eh?
“…What are you-”
“I’m not playing anymore. I’m not even the captain anymore, right? So, nothing’s keeping me here. No obligations or anything So I’m done.”
“…Are you sure?” Rita asks.
“Yeah. I’m not playing hockey again.”
“…Fine, if that’s what you want.”
The coach is silent for a long moment before he finally speaks.
“Right then. I’ll take you off the roster. You’re no longer a hockey player here.”
Alex doesn’t reply, his footsteps coming closer to the door. Rita says something to the coach, but my ears are filling with static now.
No longer…playing hockey?
Wasn’t he the one who said hockey is his drama club? Didn’t he take his team to nationals and celebrate along with his friends? I just don’t understand at all.
Alex walks out of the room, and I don’t bother trying to hide my presence, watching his back as he walks away. Rita follows after a moment, and it seems they’re heading to his first class of the day.
Just like that? He’s giving up everything he’s worked toward just like that?
ww–ait!”
23/6
#Chapter 40: Loneliness
+25 Bonus
Alex stops, his back to me. Rita turns and looks at me, her eyes scrunched with displeasure.
But I don’t care about her right now.
“Alex, wait! But! You! You love hockey! Why arrre you giving-” A stop stutter I can’t push through stalls my voice. It almost feels like it hurts. “ggh…iving…it up now??”
He stops, his back still to me for a bit before he turns and looks at me.
“Rita.”
She looks up at him. Alex tilts his head back toward the hall leading to the under–bleacher
area. She huffs, but walks ahead, giving us some privacy in the back.
3
With her out of the way, I hurry up to him. Finally, he’s willing to speak to me!
“Alex, I just—”
“You don’t have to keep pretending, you know.”
I stop, whatever words I was preparing to say dying in my throat.
He looks down at me without any real light in his eyes, just staring. It reminds me of Oliver
in a very uncomfortable way, my throat starting to constrict.
“Our deal was we act like we’re together until nationals. Well, nationals is over. I’m done with hockey. There’s no reason to act like we’re together anymore.”
He stuffs his hands into his pockets and slightly tilts his head as he looks down at me.
“So…not sure why you’re stalking me around school, but you don’t have to go that far. We’re done, so… I’m ending this, kay?”
…Is that…it?
Is that all?
Is this why he didn’t show up?
No… No, right? Something had to have happened while he was gone for a month, but he
4/6
#Chapter 40: Loneliness
won’t tell me anything.
And he’s not obligated to, either. Because he’s right.
+25 Bonus
We’ve never really been dating. And I never confirmed that his feelings for me were real.
So this all…was just contractual. Everything was a joke, and I was the only one who fell hard
into it.
My hands curl into my shirt, but I know my face has started going carefully blank. It’s the best I can do right now.
I nod quietly.
“…Cool. See you.”
And he turns around, leaving me in the hall. Down at the end, I see Rita, but her body is becoming increasingly hazy as the tears I’ve been holding back flood my eyes. My cheeks suddenly spark with pain and warmth as the spill over them, the two bodies disappearing around the corner.
It’s over. It’s all over.
I was a fool who got in my feelings again.
I’d told Charlie I would make him feel regret, but I’m the only one here. And I can’t even really be mad, because we both agreed to lie and to not fall for each other. I’m the one who messed up.
I’m always the one who messes up.
When Hailey finds me, I’m curled up in a ball in the back hallway.
The panic I fell into was so quiet, not even the coach realized I never left.
But I’m here. And I feel like I’m dying. O
