Chapter 41: Return to Normal
When I wake up the next day, I feel numb. Carved out.
Hailey’s yells still echo in my ears.
“What the fuck, Alex?! Why are you treating her like this, huh?! Do you know how long she looked for you? She was one of the only people who never stopped thinking you were alive! She even went searching in the forest for you! But this is how you treat her when you come back?! Fuck you!”
She’d screamed it at lunchtime, skipping part of her class to help comfort me since her lunch period hadn’t started yet. I was sitting alone at the table Alex and I used to share with each other, but I barely ate anything. As we’d left, we passed by Alex and Rita, returning from eating lunch somewhere else.
He’d ignored both of us when she tried to greet him. After the third time getting brushed off, and Hailey snapped.
“You’re an asshole! I never want you to approach Cynthia again!”
I stare down at my comforter, tears dotting the cloth as I cry first thing in the morning.
The thing is, I could’ve sworn I saw him stiffen when Hailey said I’d searched for him in the forest. Even so, he didn’t turn around to look at us, and Hailey scoffed, disgusted, before dragging me away.
“Your life, your choice, but I’m saying this as your best friend. Please don’t try to get close to him after this. You’ve got to respect yourself.”
And it hurts.
It hurts because, if Alex and I had been dating, she would be absolutely right. He was being no better than Oliver had been in such a case.
But, in truth, we were never in a real relationship. He’s never been obligated to treat me
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#Chapter 41. Return to Normal
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well, like a boyfriend in love with me, outside of public eyes just to make things look good. Now that it’s over, the contract is over, and he’s done.
I don’t even have it in me to tell Hailey that our relationship for the past few months has all been a lie. Honestly, I should so she’ll forgive Alex.
But I don’t want to lose her, too.
So, I decide to be selfish and keep the secret. He doesn’t seem to be telling anyone that our dating was a lie, so I won’t either.
As the days pass, I see Alex, but don’t go near him anymore.
3
On social media, we no longer follow each other, though not because I unfollowed him. He blocked me, privated his account, then unblocked me. However, it looks like his follower count tanked of his own volition with only a few other private accounts following him.
He outright deletes some of his other accounts, leaving nothing in its wake.
To try to counteract my attention on his behavior, Hailey drags me back to the drama club. Though, I have no interest in taking up speaking roles, so they let me return to prop- making and background work. It lets me work with my hands without having to bother speaking, so it’s more comfortable for me now.
Since it’s already May, I know that, by doing so, I won’t have another speaking role before the end of the year. I fully accept that.
Right now, I don’t really want to talk too much.
Hailey also takes me out after school to hang out with just the two of us. Sometimes, Lenard joins in, though he doesn’t snuggle up with Hailey as much as he usually would. He’s probably being considerate of me.
While eating out one day, Hailey tells me that Len’s been worried about me, too. When he saw me following after Alex that day, he’d texted Hailey, telling her something’s wrong. And when I didn’t show up to a class we share, Hailey connected the dots to find out where
I was.
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It’s really more grace than I deserve with how rough I’ve been the last few weeks. But she just says my reactions were normal and she tries to help me carry on as usual.
But I don’t think I can.
This whole thing really just tore my heart out of my chest and left it on the ground.
It feels like I’m slowly watching it fail to beat, spilling blood into nonexistent snow.
I feel more tired than usual, so I often leave our hangouts a bit earlier than planned. I know Hailey’s trying to cheer me up, but it just hurts too much. I just want to go to bed and fall asleep for a while.
Still, I’ve gotten used to feeling like someone’s looking at me. With the school kids and the teachers and the news, however briefly, and the police and the people watching the plays
and Dad…
My eyes scrunch tightly.
For the last few days, it feels like someone is looking at me most of the time.
When I’m at school, when I’m out, any time. I only seem to get solace at home, so I start trying not to leave it as much as I would before.
I just want to be left alone for a while. To quietly be in a place without anyone watching me.
I use this excuse to stay after school a bit longer than usual, Hailey trying to leave with me.
“But that dress doesn’t need to be finished for another few days, y’know?”
“Yeah. But, I jussst… Want to chill out forrr a while. I can close up afterwards. ”
“…..Alright. You’ve humored me enough,” Hailey sighs, handing me the door keys. “Just make sure to drop them off at Mrs. Taylor’s office first thing tomorrow, alright?”
“Mmh. Thanksss”
Hailey leans in, hugging me.
#Chapter 41 Return to Normal
“Text me when you get home.”
“Okay.”
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And then she heads out, leaving me alone in the drama club room. And I finally breathe a sigh of relief.
There’s no one here to ask why tears are budding against my lower eyelashes. No one to ask why I’m just sobbing as I try to keep sewing. No one to stare at me as I give up and curl in on myself to just cry, even to the point I get sleepy.
But I don’t want to go home yet. I just want to be completely, utterly alone. So, I look in the prop area and find a pillow and blanket. After turning off the lights and pushing a few desks together, I curl up under it and fall asleep for a while…
By the time I wake up, it’s already 8pm. I send a text to Hailey, telling her I made it home, and another to Mom, telling her I’m eating out with Hailey and won’t be home until a bit
later.
Lying has become a lot easier for me to do than before. I’ve had several months of practice, after all. Even to the point I started believing my own lies.
I put everything away after spraying disinfectant on the pillow and blanket. Then, I lock everything up in the quiet school, put at ease by its silence. Walking down the halls, my footsteps echo around me, the sound of rain outside becoming louder as I get closer to the
school entrance.
Graduation announcements, the drama club’s final show of the year, prom night…all of these notifications remind me that I’ll be out of school soon. I’ll be going to college for
something, then move on with my life.
I feel terrible…but I think I can deal with this for another few weeks. I’ll have to.
And eventually, I’ll file Alex away like all the other guys who decided I wasn’t worth their
time.
I approach the front doors of the school, ready to leave…
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But there’s someone standing there.
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A person I don’t really think I’ve seen before stands outside the doors. Their silhouette
looks messy, like a guy wearing a trenchcoat. Their hands are dripping water against the ground, shielded from the rain by the cover near the school.
At first, I thought they were turned toward the parking lot. Maybe a homeless guy looking for shelter. But when they lean forward, hands limp at their sides, I realize they’re looking
into the school.
For some reason, the hair on the back of my neck starts to stand, goosebumps prickling on my skin.
I think… I think the guards around the school likely locked the doors, so no one outside
should be able to get in.
At least, that’s what I thought.
But then, the strange person smiles, their teeth somehow standing out in the dim light.
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