#Chapter 60: Anxiety Alex
Rita and I haven’t spoken about it. She told me what happened with Ryan, the Malkeye Alpha, which is discouraging enough. If none of the Malkeye members have been attacked, then the rogues are exclusively after the Ayzena.
And Cynthia. My heart aches just thinking about her, my damsel in distress. If there has ever been anyone- human or otherwise–I’ve felt the need to protect, it’s Cynthia.
But I felt something stronger this morning. My body hummed with…adrenaline? Hell…I’m not sure. I was amped up, is all I know, which may explain the temper tantrum I threw. In hindsight, I think I may have overreacted.
That’s embarrassing enough, but Rita? That my body so unmistakably reacted to her was not something I expected at all. I’m not sure I even like her as a friend, much less a mate. I’d even started to imagine myself with Cynthia. Living with her, being with her…
I shake it off. I knew better. I only allowed those thoughts to make myself feel better in this shit show of a predicament I’m in. Cynthia represents everything that’s right about my life, everything that’s simple.
But that’s a luxury I can’t afford anymore. Simple was ripped away. What humanity I tried to embrace is gone. Probably forever.
Then something else occurs to me: If Rita is my fated mate, I’ll have to give up human women. I’ve only ever been with human women, and I like how expressive they are, how demure. They treat a guy like he’s the only thing important in their world. Werewolf chicks can be brutal…and honest.
I’ll have to give up Cynthia…which I knew was coming, I just wasn’t ready to deal with it. I thought we still had time. She’s become such a comfort to me, like home away from home. I mean, she actually cares about me, not just my body or my popularity.
Hell, at first she didn’t want me because of those things. Then she dared to get to know the real me—which no human girl has ever done before–and she liked the real me.
I liked the me I was with her, before…in the world we were in.
These are the thoughts that consume me as I sit at my brother’s sick bed. When Rita finally leaves, I can’t help but
vent.
“Cynthia was never perfect for me,” I explain, “-until she was, you know? Ach–it’s so hard to explain…”
I just can’t reason it out. Why would I be so attracted to a human if I couldn’t have her? We’re not supposed to feel that way about them.
“I don’t want to say you’re lucky for never having found your mate, but…” And I stop myself. How could I say something like that to Michael when he’s lying here like this?
“But you will–you’ll find her and have cubs and raise the next Alpha, I know it.”
I feel a tear fall down my cheek and I’m glad we’re alone. I can’t handle the pressure of knowing the life I have created for myself is crashing before me.
“You have to,” I whisper.
Because I can’t be you….
At the Council meeting, I work hard to keep my cool. I’ve decided that no matter what they say, I’ll deal with it once and for all. My way.
I can’t accept Rita’s report that nothing has happened to the Malkeye pack. If rogues are attacking our pack,
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#Chapter 60. Anxiety Alex
they’re attacking others.
The Elders believe it, though.
Then there’s Cynthia. All I can figure is that she has a target on her back because of me. To hurt me, since I’ll be the next Alpha. Which makes this personal.
“You’re being exceptionally quiet,” Anwen says, eying me skeptically.
When I look up, she’s staring straight at me. Everyone is, including Rita.
I shake my head, tired and frustrated. “I’m out of answers we all are.”
What I really want to do is smart–off and tell them they’re lazy and incompetent. That I’ll take matters into my own hands, just wait and see.
But I don’t. I can’t give anyone warning. So, I focus on my breathing–in and out, in and out, steady and rhythmic. Just like Coach taught us.
Owein pipes up. “My suggestions still stands. We could send the girl back, keep an eye on her, wait for them to come out…”
The other members mumble their disagreement.
My entire body becomes enflamed with rage. My heartrate is accelerating, not that it wasn’t exactly steady in the first place.
I want to punch that piece of crap in the face. Rearrange his nose and teach him that humans aren’t expendable… but that he is.
While I can hide these thoughts, I can’t hide my body’s reaction.
They’ve noticed, the Elders.
“Today is your birthday,” Maiyunn says. She watches me intently, waiting for a response.
“Yes.”
“You did not wish to celebrate it with the pack?”
“No.”
“Why?” She stares at me–drilling into me with her eyes and I know what she’s doing. She’s too nice to simply come out and say it, but she wants to know if I’ve found my mate or not.
I imagine they’re all wondering that, given the circumstances.
I glance at Rita, who is staring at the floor. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her uncomfortable before this moment. “Michael’s well–being is my priority–our priority–and our focus should be on him until we can find a cure.” Weylyn speaks up, saying what we all fear. “He doesn’t have much longer. We may have to look to a future without him.”
“No–we don’t,” I growl. “He’s strong…he’ll pull through
“We need to be prepared for all possibilities,” Waylyn adds. “And hope we do not need them.”
“Our physicians have performed their last barrage of tests,” Father announces. “They have tested for a variety of poisons. Not likely the case, given the nature of the attack, but it’s the only thing we haven’t ruled out.”
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“All things must be ruled out,” Arnulf agrees.
To which Owein adds, “We can only hope this will shed some light on Michael’s predicament.”
I smell him before he enters because his pine scent has grown stronger and muskier. Look out Ralph Lauren; if that scent could be bottled, then any man who wore it would never be safe from a mob of women!
Alex drags himself through the front door, his steps lumbered and his head and shoulders drooping
I’m the only one there, relaxing on the couch, writing in my journal and hoping to see him.
The sight of him first brings excitement, then dread. He looks tired, the skin on his face sallow and the bags under his eyes dark.
I jump up, dropping my notebook to the floor. “Ohhh—Alex!”
I run over to him, and without a thought, 1–hug him.
He squeezes me tight, and I can feel his body slowly melting into mine as he lets go of whatever tension he was holding.
He kisses my neck and nuzzles his nose in it. “You smell so good…”
“Can you. Please. Tell me wwwhat. Happened?”
“I don’t want to worry you.”
“Please…”
He lifts his head, his body becoming tense again. He pulls me closer to him, so close it feels I can feel the ridges of his chest and ab muscles against me.
“Mmmm,…Alex…”
He releases me and lowers his head to mine. “Let’s sit down, so we can talk.”
His proximity is almost electrifying. I don’t know what is going on with him, but the energy emanating from his body is like a tuning fork.
Being so close to him makes all the nerve endings in my body quiver.
It’s erotic. I bite my lip and he growls. The sound reverberates through me, and I can’t catch my breath
He senses it, too. It feels…dangerous.
Though I can barely breathe, I manage to say, “I have a better idea.”
